Tuesday, November 5, 2013

In loving memory of my grandmother♥

As mentioned in the previous post, I'll do an entry specially dedicated to my late grandmother.

One of the best gifts God has ever given

She was the empress dowager in my life, my pillar of support after the death of my Grandpapa, taking care of my needs, blessed me with tangible and intangible assets etc. 
21 years and 11 months of unconditional love,unforgettable naggings, uncountable times of telephone calls, constantly poking through my items, valuable advices etc cannot be summarized into a blog post and neither can it be expressed in words.

I am so used to her presence and now that she is gone, I can't accept the fact that she won't be around anymore. Her sudden departure throw my emotions into a hurricane and even after the cremation, I am still struggling to accept this. I wish I am having a nightmare now and I can't wait to wake up to end this.

She is the hippest old lady I have ever known. Yes, she is. Her favourites are soft shell crabs, chicken drumsticks and sashimi. How many old people you know appreciate such food? 
Yes, she is vain. She shops for handbags and she has more bags than me. I always nag at her for looking at bags whenever we go out.
Yes, she is cute. Her way of replying and behaviours are cute, as mentioned by friends who have seen her.
No longer do I have the chance to hang out with her on Sundays at Parkway Parade, deciding whether to dine in at Ichiban Boshi or Crystal Jade. No longer do I have the chance to nag at her for looking at handbags,again. No longer do I have the chance to exchange witty conversations with her, making her laugh.
And yes, I love her and I miss her.

She is the 2nd regret I have in life. I wasn't there for her when she collapsed. I wished I haven't board the plane to Penang. I wished I had listened to my gut feelings and stay behind. I wished God didn't take her away.

I know you are most worried about Matthias and me. 20 over years of love, tears, angers, joy, sadness and whatnots,辛苦你了。Mama 妳安心上路,我长大了. I know God brought you to a place where there is no suffering, medication or pain. 
Thank you for everything you've done for me since birth and most importantly, thank you God, for putting her in my life

The final time where I touched her was before she got covered for cremation. Gosh, her fingers became so bony. Sigh. 
I hope that I will be able to overcome this emptiness. I have been relying on my grandparents up till now and suddenly, I am 'forced' to be independent. Like a lost child, the sense of helplessness is too overwhelming. I don't know how long it will take to overcome this but one thing I know for sure, it isn't anytime soon. I breakdown at the slightest memory of her. I can only pray to God for strength, peace and comfort in all of our hearts. 

Psalm 119:50
My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.
Psalms 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Corinthians 4:16-18
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

John 11:23-26 
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” 
18 August 1938 - 3 November 2013 
R.I.P Grandmama
I'll see you in heaven and we will reunite. Till then.

"If you get there before I do 
Don't give up on me 
I'll meet you when my chores are through 
I don't know how long I'll be 
But I'm not gonna let you down 
Darling wait and see 
And between now and then 
Til I see you again 
 I'll be loving you Love, Me."

Mama,I love you and I miss you so much so much.

Love, Your granddaughter♥

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