Regrets.

WARNING:THIS IS NOT A VERY PLEASANT POST.SKIP IT IN CASE IT RUINS YOUR WONDERFUL DAY!

I finally realised that there are certain things which are best to keep to oneself.By saying it out,it spells danger.In other words,you are inviting trouble into your life.
Right now,including those past few days,I have been wishing that Grandpapa is here with me.Here to listen to my nonsense and craps with his listening ears,a shoulder to cry on for I had been doing it since young and telling me:'yes,I understand.It's not completely your fault' and ending off with his signature smile.All those were in the past and now,he is no longer here with me.I longed for him to be here with me again and brighten up my day[even though it's ending],speaking up for me and helping me to improve my Chinese.
You know,humans are weird creatures.They don't treasure what they have unless it's gone.How I wish I can re-wind time,go back to the past,re-experience his love and enjoying every single millisecond/second/minute/hour/day/month/year with him.
It used to be me and Grandpapa when it comes to celebrating birthdays as we celebrate together.[Mine falls on 10 whereas his falls on 11,same month too!]But ever since he left me,it's just me alone.Sometimes I even wonder,what's the use of celebrating when it only reminds me of being alone and it doesn't even bring me any joy?
Maybe I should just keep my bloody mouth shut and not mention a single word in case it gets me into another disastrous situation.I am not happy here yet I still have to wait.Like please,patience has its limits.I never know when this patience of mine will run out.I got blamed and scolded for no god damn good reasons when I am not even involved,claiming that I threatened with words.Oh great,ever heard of action speaks louder than words?Have I ever show any first step of my 'threatening words'? Oh,maybe in the past no but now,definitely yes.It's just a matter of time.Circle of comfort?Oh now this sounds extremly STUPID,mark my word;STUPID.I can only feel stress and tension so where in the world do I ever feel comfort?
Suddenly,I feel like running away from home.If only Grandpapa is here...Oh.What dumb thoughts.