We're not friends.We are strangers with memories.

"What hurts the most is being so close and then all of a sudden becoming so distant."

I had a dream,a rather weird one.I dreamed of you.

"According to Harvard psychologist Deirdre Barrett, at least part of the reason we sleep is to process the thoughts and problems that trouble us during our waking hours. Barrett’s theory posits that the illogical aspects of dreams and the vivid visual images we experience during our dreams provide a way to process the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that isn't possible during our usual reality."

And now,memories of the time spent together with you and the others started coming back,replaying in my mind over and over again.We used to be so close,messaging all day,hanging out and having suppers late at night and etc.I wanted to test you so I didn't message you after the supper.

And I was right,you didn't initiate the conversation.Ever since then,everything just stopped.We didn't talk,we didn't meet up,we no longer hang out together and we stopped having supper.Whatever happened to us?Whatever happened to our friendship?

Was  I used as a rebound?

And the same thing happened to another friend.Was it my fault?

This is the reason why I firmly believe in keeping my social circle as small as possible.

我不需要很多朋友，好朋友一两个就够了。

I don't want to live on these memories but why do they keep replaying in my mind?Yes,I missed the time we spent together.Yes,I miss(ed) you but No,I don't regret not initiating the conversation.It just goes to show how much you wanted this friendship.

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"Make peace with your past,including your first love."

Remember an apology post I posted quite some time back?

Here's the link:don't go through life,grow through life

Well,I received an unexpected question from an old flame,one that had been bugging him since the day things ended between us.We talked about it and I did apologize to him.I am thankful that he asked and I am glad that we got it sorted out.I can now openly mention him without feeling awkward.One thing for sure,we are friends now:)

"A first love always occupies a special place." 

- Lee Konitz